Find + Abundance in your Day with these Free Services

One of the most re-occurring contemplations that occupy my mind is that of ABUNDANCE… I spent a whole summer trying to find abundance through butter; please ask me about it when you see me next. As we come to celebrate the harvest time, it could seem that we don’t have enough, and yet if we take the time to stop and become a receptacle of the always abundant power of the universe we can see how many amazing thing are always available to us.  On that spirit, I decided to share some of my favorite sites that are available to all of us that have access to the Internet.

Mint.com - The best free way to manage your money.

Mint brings all your financial accounts together online or on your mobile device, automatically categorizes your transactions, lets you set budgets and helps you achieve your savings goals.  This may be a scary thing to do, but it really pays off to have a personal secretary keeping track of your expenses and your INCOME!

elsiesyogakula.com - Amazing free way to practice Anusara yoga on the go

Elsie is this fabulous Anusara yoga teacher that has been my cyber teacher for years.  I absolutely love her Free Online Yoga Classes.  She also has a very cool App available for your mobile devices.

There are over 80 audio yoga classes on the site. They range from basic yoga/beginner yoga classes to more advanced yoga practices. The length of the classes also varies. Classes can be from 45 min to 90 minutes. The average class runs about 75 minutes.

You can find those classes easily via the categories on the side bar, as they’ve been split up for greater accessibility. Each class has it’s own post, that begins with a small intro article, a link to the mp3 file, which you can download or stream directly from your computer or mobile device and the corresponding sequence of classes highlighted by pictures.

Dropbox - Best free way to store and share electronic files online

My friend Xavier introduced me to this service.  For those of us that are not willing dedicate time to technology this is the perfect "cloud computing" site.  It is the easiest way to share documents of all kind among all your computers and with other people.

Dropbox is a free service that lets you bring your photos, docs, and videos anywhere and share them easily. Dropbox was founded in 2007 by Drew Houston and Arash Ferdowsi, two MIT students tired of emailing files to themselves to work from more than one computer.

Today, more than 25 million people across every continent use Dropbox to always have their stuff at hand, share with family and friends, and work on team projects.

Cinnamon Spinach Recipe

Cooler temperatures connect me with my kitchen and all the delights I tend to experience during these harvesting months.  Vegetables are so readily available and the kaleidoscopical transformation of the trees inspires me to use spices in some very irreverent ways.  Cumin mayo, mustard seeds dressings, paprika syrup, and the conspicuous cinnamon with pretty much any vegetable- what a decadent experience for the senses. Just the other night I concocted a very simple and delightful recipe using cinnamon.  I am calling it, well, Cinnamon Spinach.  It is a perfect side dish, but be aware that it will be the main attraction on your plate.  Below see the recipe and right after I am listing ten + one benefits of cinnamon.  Enjoy…

This is what you need (serves 2)

1 Lb of washed spinach

1 Tbl. spoon of olive oil

½ Tea spoon of Cinnamon

Salt

This is what you do

This recipe doesn’t take a lot of time so prepare when you are ready to serve dinner.  To begin, add the olive oil to a medium size skillet and heat for one minute.  Add all the spinach to the skillet and begin to stir it with a fork.  Add the cinnamon and salt to taste.  If you are new to cooking spinach, don’t panic looking at the overflow of spinach in the skillet, when cooked it will shrink considerably.  I love the earthy and voluptuous flavors that the cinnamon brings out in this simple side dish.

When it comes to food, I am a believer that when you listen to your senses and your body’s reaction, you can tell a lot about the benefits of food, but for those that need more information these are at least ten benefits I found listed for cinnamon:

1.  Studies have shown that just 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon per day can lower LDL cholesterol.
2. Several studies suggest that cinnamon may have a regulatory effect on blood sugar, making it especially beneficial for people with Type 2 diabetes.
3. In some studies, cinnamon has shown an amazing ability to stop medication-resistant yeast infections.\
4. In a study published by researchers at the U.S. Department of Agriculture in Maryland, cinnamon reduced the proliferation of leukemia and lymphoma cancer cells.
5. It has an anti-clotting effect on the blood.
6. In a study at Copenhagen University, patients given half a teaspoon of cinnamon powder combined with one tablespoon of honey every morning before breakfast had significant relief in arthritis pain after one week and could walk without pain within one month.
7. When added to food, it inhibits bacterial growth and food spoilage, making it a natural food preservative
8. One study found that smelling cinnamon boosts cognitive function and memory.
9. Researchers at Kansas State University found that cinnamon fights the E. coli bacteria in unpasteurized juices.
10. It is a great source of manganese, fiber, iron, and calcium.
11. Delicious!!!!!

Re-energize your workday - yoga at your desk

Sitting at your desk, working hours at a time and  creating repetitive movements can stop the flow of Shakti (a.k.a. it can suck the living energy out of you).  The tension of meeting deadlines, plus the constriction of typing and looking at a screen for sure creates tightness in my shoulders and thigh muscles.   A good way to counteract this effects is going regularly to a yoga class.  I also find that taking several yoga-breaks during the day is a fabulous way to stay in the flow all day long---lets face it, cigarette breaks aren't coming back, so if you are choosing a healthy lifestyle, don't get punish by it, take a yoga-break today! These are my favorite desk-asanas; please ask your yoga teacher for variations for your specific needs or contact me.

Seated Mountain Pose

Sit with a straight back, making sure your feet are grounded on the floor-about hip distance distance apart.  Clasp your hands, and extend your arms forward. Turn the palms away from you and raise your arms until the palms face the ceiling.  As you inhale fill the torso with air from the bottom of the spine to the top of your lungs.  Expand the ribcage concentrically as you do so. Pay attention to to your back, we tend to forget to breath in this region.  Make sure the shoulders and sides of your neck are moving back.  Stretch and feel yourself growing taller as you reduce the stress in your head, neck, and shoulders. This posture lengthens your sides, and it just plain feels good.

Eagle Arms

Sit tall and place your arms in front of you at a 90 degree angle. Cross your arms so that the right arm is above the left. Interlock your arms and press your palms together with the tips of your fingers pointed upward. Feel yourself contracting.  Surrender to this feeling and begin to breath deeply while relaxing your shoulder blades.  This pose strengthens triceps, shoulders, and back muscles. It’s a good preventative measure against carpal tunnel syndrome.   If you know the full pose, add your legs by simply cross your legs and interlock them with one foot behind the other. Do the left arm above the right next.

Thread the Needle

Sit in your chair and cross your right leg over your left knee. Flex both feet- press through the mount of the big toe.   If chair allows it, lift the feet off the floor.    "Thread the needle" by clasping your hands around your left leg, just under your knee.   Stay connected by pressing the ankle against the knee, even if you cannot lift your feet of the floor, this posture stretches hip rotators, outer thighs, and relieves tension in the lower back. Be sure to reverse sides.

Modified Child at the Desk Pose

Before returning to work, give yourself a few minutes to relax.   This relaxing pose is so simple but very effective in reducing stress in your facial muscles and helping to prevent fatigue.  Simply cross your arms and place them on the surface in front of you.   Make sure your feet are planted on the floor about hip distance apart.  Then rest your head on your crossed arms; just breath and enjoy the yoga-break.

Sugarless Lemonade

The allure of a freshly squeezed lemonade has the promise of nostalgia, relaxation and cooling.  Every summer I indulge in the nectar of the citrus-gods, only to face the consequences of too much processed sugar.  So I armed myself with a bag of sunny lemons (blessed be Trader Jo's super affordable lemons) and alternative sweeteners to find the perfect lemonade recipe without process sugar and, after many trial, here are the recipes. Agave Lemonade

This version tastes the best, I would even say that it taste better than traditional lemonade.  I know, I said it.  Just be aware that if using raw agave syrup the color be be rather dark - think of it as a tanned lemonade.

1 cup of lemon juice

1 cup of agave nectar

8 cups of water

Shake mixture as hard as you can,  you can add more water or agave nectar according to your taste, but this is a good basic recipe.  If doing an individual glass, squeeze half a lemon into a glass, add equal volume of agave nectar and then fill the glass with one cup of water.

Honey Lemonade

I thoroughly enjoy the taste of honey, and this is my favorite lemonade.

1 cup of honey

1 cup of hot water

3/4 cup of lemon juice

8 cups of cold water

First you have to prepare a honey syrup by stirring in the honey with the hot water, over low heat till blended.  Let the mixture cool.  Sometimes I prepared the syrup ahead of time and you have keep it in the refrigerator, the honey won't precipitate out of the mixture.  To prepare the lemonade, add lemon juice and cold water to the honey syrup and stir well.  If you want to do an individual batch, you can use the juice of half a lemon, about 4 tablespoons of honey syrup and add 1 cup of cold water.

I enjoy mixing lemon and limes when preparing lemonades,  I find the mixture irreverent and uplifting.  So next time summer gives you lemons (or limes), you know what to do.

Free your T's and the rest will follow

If there were a sartorial symbol of American summer freedom it'd be the cotton T-shirt.  They are audacious, cool and comfortable.  However, these freedom-fighters can get easily lost and forgotten while piled on top of each other inside a drawer.  Any yogi could tell you stories of summoning peace and calm not to go crazy trying to find a T-shirt lost in a messy drawer.  Here is an organization tip that will allow you to have a greater visibility and accessibility to all your T-shirts (while at the same time reuse those old bookends left over from the pre-e books era) This is what you need

An L shape bookend.  It is amazing what you can organize with items you already own and are not using.

This is what you do

Fold your T-shirts (I know.  In order for this idea to work you gotta do some work).  Any classic T-shirt folding will work.  I like to fold them in thirds, lengthwise as per pictures.  Then fold them in thirds again.  Nine-fold style.  I learned this technique from a pair of twins that are over 6' tall, they should know how to make all their clothing small to fit in a drawer.

Once you have your T-shirts folded, instead of placing them onto each other, stand them next to each other and use the book end to keep them in place.  As you can see from the picture, you can now see all your T's at once and the book end will keep them from becoming a mess.

Chronicles of a Closet Cleanse

My smart, beautiful and ever pragmatic friend Jennifer Rose did what most of us are afraid of doing; she plunged into the arduous yet rewarding task of excavating, cataloging and yes, organizing her closet.  Jenifer hosts a style blog.  I recently caught up with her and we talked about the scary mission of organizing one's closet.  Please read her anecdotal accounts below, at the end you can also read the unedited Q&A session we held; I enjoyed so much exploring the very spiritual and practical ways in which organizing can elevate the status of the spaces we have, I hope you enjoy it too.

What I Did Over The Long Weekend - J. Rose Style

So my first post is about what I did this weekend.  The weekend started simply enough, I went to the library to pick up some movies and while perusing the non-fiction books section I found this, "The Shopping Diet: Spend Less to Get More", by Phillip Bloch.  Reading the bio on the back one can ascertained that Bloch is a jack of all trades, stylist, writer, commentator, the list goes on.  The book is aimed at people with shopping compulsions or addictions, the promise is that by considering what you actually wear in your wardrobe you will become more aware of what you need, what your style is and what looks good on your body, therefore less likely to make those unnecessary purchases that lead to a budget crisis.  I was intrigued. I am not a compulsive shopper, but I always felt like a terribly uninformed or unaware shopper.  Constantly buying something I like without considering what I have at home to go with it or even if it was really flattering to my figure.  As a result my closet was a mish mash, without enough solid pieces to build an outfit with and a bunch of clothes that didn't fit right.  My closet was in desperate need of editing.  Following the steps in Part Two of the book (Part One is about assessing your style, what you wear frequently, etc...) I emptied my entire closet, in season, out of season, accessories, jewelry, socks and underwear.  My bedroom looked like my closet threw up everywhere.  Ahh!! However my closet was completely empty.

Using the tips Bloch outlined, I separated my clothes into categories and then I began to edit.  Trying on everything in front of a full length mirror and deciding if it stayed in the closet, was fixed, was sold on eBay or donated.

My very well edited closet.  Not sparse, minimalist darling.

It took an entire afternoon, but the process was very cathartic and eye opening.  I don't have a lot left in my closet, but what is left are clothes and accessories I truly love and wear constantly.  The pieces that I feel are missing from my, now very well edited closet are written on a list that will go with me whenever I go shopping.  I don't feel like I need a lot of clothes, in fact the more clothes I had the more stifled I felt.  Yes, I thought that all those clothes gave me more outfit choices, but they didn't.  Having too many choices made getting dressed too complicated and overwrought.  I think that the key to style is knowing what works for you, on you, having great accessories to spice up any outfit and carrying yourself with confidence wherever you go.

Q & A - A Yogic Perspective in Organizing Your Closet

Q- So Jenifer, what motivated you to look into the closet?

A- Mornings are always crazy,the most challenging part of my mornings were when I went to get dressed, I would open the closet, see it stuffed with clothes and feel completely overwhelmed. In February, I was reading Philip Bloch's book "The Shopping Diet" and it had a statistic like women do not wear 80% of the clothing they own, instead they wear the same key pieces that are comfortable and fit.  Major aha! moment, choices in terms of my closet are bad, instead of feeling empowered by the choice of clothes, I felt overwhelmed.  I knew the closet needed to be purged and resolved to do it immediately.

Q- What was your vision or intention when you finally decided to get your closet re-organized?

A- When I started I knew I wanted to cut that "80%", the extra stuff, the fat.  I wanted my closet to be well edited to suit my current taste, only containing pieces that fit well and make me feel great when I wear them.  Every woman wants that, I just didn't realize how much I didn't need till I dug in.

Q- Did you use any organization technique in particular?  What tips or advice was most useful for your closet cleansing?

A- The first thing I did was to remove the extra hangers, this freed up a lot of space in the closet and made it easier to work.  I put the hangers in a box to the side in case I needed them.  Next I took everything out of the closet, in-season, out of season everything.  When everything is hanging up in a dark closet it's hard to evaluate, bring it into the broad light of day so you get a clear picture of what's been lurking in there.  As I was taking things out of the closet I sorted them by type, skirts, shirts, pants, etc... I made piles of like items so I could evaluate what I had, example why do I have three pairs of black pants.

I know a lot of people are probably grimacing at the prospect of this kind of deep cleansing, but you need to "make a mess" to get things in order.  Also do not, I repeat do not go out and buy things to organize the closet before you clean it out.  Clean it out first then see what you need.

Q- How did you decide what garments or accessories had to go?  What were you looking for when you looked in the mirror?  and What did you do with items that you weren't sure if they had to go?

A- In order to decide what stayed and what went I brought in a full length mirror.  I tried everything on and was brutally honest with myself about, what worked, what didn't and what was just so-so.  If you aren't able to be that honest, invite over some friends that will be.

For sorting the things to get rid of I pulled out four bags, I labeled them all, one for donations, one for things that I like but need to be fixed, another for things I thought I could sell on eBay (new or almost items) and the last one was for sentimental clothes (things I won't wear, but have a special meaning and maybe one day I will part with).  I also brought out a garbage bag for things I couldn't salvage (happy to note, that the clothes in the garbage were recycled into cleaning rags).

If there was a case where I couldn't decide I took a picture of myself wearing the item.  Usually the picture didn't lie, if it didn't flatter my figure out it went.  Clothes that don't suit your shape are like backstabbing friends, they'll tell you that you look great to your face and then turn around and reveal your flaws to the world, who needs that.

Accessories are only as good as the clothes they go with, if I had any scarves, belts and shoes, that never matched the clothes I have, I got rid of them.  It's probably because they were colors I never wear.  Also I got rid of any belts or shoes that didn't fit, they were just taking up space.

When I put everything back in the closet I knew it was only things that fit, that flattered and that matched what I owned.  I sorted the clothes by type when hanging them up (making it easy to sort through) and the color.

More isn't always better, sometimes it's just more.

Essential Exposure

I hope it's save to say that winter is gone; after veiling my skin for the last months with cold weather, bright lights, dry air and public transportation air, I am ready for a deep cleansing of my skin.   Scrubbing my skin is my way to polish and groom the shield that allows me to interact with the world and what better time to clean the skin than Spring (this can be done all year around though) A little nerdy facts, exfoliants cleanse deep within the pores and remove old flaky, surface skin.  In my research of essential oils’ health benefits, I’ve re-discover some simple exfoliants that work great for any skin type.  Different essential oils are used for different complexion types: dry skin – frankincense, oily skin – tea tree, sun damaged – sandalwood, etc, etc.  But there is an essential oils that works with all skin types and most skin conditions, that is lavender essential oil.  So without having to consult an aromatherapist or dermatologist, a lavender exfoliant can be a good start for most folks.  After some research and trial on my skin (no animals were scrubbed in this experiment), I am ready to share my favorite facial scrub.

A little safety note, essential oils, if you haven’t use them before, are in their majority steam-extracts of plant’s vital substances.  They are super concentrates of plants' super powers.  Essential oils are use in Aromatherapy, but despite the name, it is not the aroma that makes them work.  So when using essential oils on your skin, make sure you are using “therapeutic grade” essential oils.  I have never had any allergic  reaction with therapeutic grade essential oil, but every skin have different degrees of sensitivity so use your judgement when using any substance on your skin (a.k.a., no one here is a dermatologist so if you have sensitive skin, be careful)

This is what you need

1 part oatmeal, 1/3 part cornmeal (I have used sugar instead), 1/3 part lavender (the market at Union Square has a stand that sells lavender)

Essential oil:  lavender

I keep some next to my sink and often use it instead of soap.  All ingredients used are kitchen staples, minus the essential oil, so I make small amounts at time so it doesn’t spoil.  The exfoliant can be stored in a cover container so that it won’t dry out quickly.  I have used it after 20 days of storing without any problems.

This is what you do

Grind the ingredients together in an electric coffee grinder  or a mortar to a fine powder, and store it in a closed  glass container.  To use the scrub, make a paste using 1 teaspoon scrub powder and ½ teaspoon water with lavender essential oil.  Apply to a dampened face.  Gently scrub your face, and rinse with warm water.  You can also use this mixture as a mask by leaving it on for 10 minutes after you scrub.  Rise with room temperature water.

This scrub also tastes good, perhaps I can try cupcakes with the left over...as usual if you have questions let me know.

Porn for Nerds?

I haven't had cable TV in fifteen years (or a TV in two for that matter).  Despite this, somehow I managed - without wanting - to learn about all kind of TV events:  Kardashians, Snooky,  and yes, Glee.  And just when I am about to write off TV as a-last-century-bore, the delicious Isabella Rossellini almost single-handed rescues the media right before my eyes.   You may already know about her TV show, so shame on you for not telling me sooner (thanks you, Jane for always bringing civility into my life).  Seduce Me, the spawn of Green Porn, is a Sundance Channel program co-created with Rossellini's desires to teach biology to the world.  She said that when she proposed a biology show, no one listened, but when she mentioned sex all kind of producers came to her door...so she compromised.   This is a perfect example of navigating society to get your point across.  Her sexy and funny approach to nature's facts is a refreshing approach to science, and the production of the short videos is outstanding.  You can visit the Seduce Me site and watch two seasons of funny nerdy facts about animals' mating habits. Que viva Rossellini!

Freedom Scone

I called these decadent biscuitlike treasures, freedom scones, because all the ingredients break the prison of lethargy that other sweets tend to build around my day.  I find that a cup of hot herbal tea is the perfect companion to them (yes, I always have more than one, if you try them you will know why). I adapted this recipe from Jenny Nelson' Clean Eat, but quite frankly the scones are so good, it makes me feel a bit dirty eating them, and preparing them is a fun mess, totally worth it.  These guys are vegetarian, vegan and delicious.

These are the ingredients that you need

3/4 cup coconut oil + 1 teaspoon for greasing the baking sheet...don't try to substitute this with other natural oil,  coconut is the one that make this work, also measured the oil in liquid form (~77 F)

1/4 cup water

1 cup of coconut oil

1/2 cup of dates, pitted

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/8 teaspoon baking soda

1 cup gluten free all purpose flour +1 tablespoon gluten free flour (for dusting)

Pinch sea salt

2 oz organic dark chocolate, coarsely chopped (you could skip this, I guess, but WHY?)

1/2 cup raw, organic walnuts, coarsely chopped (I have use other nuts, but the bitter taste of walnuts makes it my favorite)

This is what you do

Preheat oven to 350 F (you can place the jar with coconut oil near the oven and that helps melt the oil)

Mix all dry ingredients in a large bowl.  In a separate bowl, mash the dates until you have a thick paste and set aside (see picture).  Add melted coconut oil to date paste with vanilla and water.  Add the wet ingredients to dry ingredients and mix until combined.

Dough should hold together. It may stay a bit runny, when this happens, I place the dough in the refrigerator for five minutes to make it easier to handle.

Form the dough into a round and place on a lightly floured (leftover dash of gluten free flour from above) surface and cut in half. Roll each half into another round. Cut one of the rounds in half and then cut each half into thirds and repeat with the second round so you have 12 wedges - it is OK if wedges are messy, it will taste just as good. Lightly grease a baking or cookie sheet with the coconut oil and place the wedges in the oven for 14-16 minutes (rotating the pan after 8 minutes).    Let them cool as the chocolate will be too hot to enjoy - trust me on this one.

Namaste

Como Una Ola - breathing meditation

"Like a wave, your love arrived in my life," the song goes, "like a wave of limitless force..."  Como Una Ola, in case you were not living in Spanish speaking country in the 1980's,  was a great hit by Rocio Jurado.  The song describes the stages of a love affair, from its surprising arrival, its monumental growth and to its recoiling end.  In recent weeks I was inspired by the song (blame youtube for this) to practice a breathing meditation with focus on the limitless healing power of breathing. You can practice this meditation whenever you feel that you need to connect to the grace of the universe, or a mini vacation from a tough day.  Just set a timer and surf the wave;

Lie flat on your back on a mat or blanket, with knees bend.  Let the inhalation come down into your back body like the trough of a wave.  Feel how it flattens the back against the floor.  Let the wave fill your body, let it grow in your front body from the belly to the top of your longs.  With the exhalation let your body follow the wave's crest as it withdraws into the back of your pelvis and out of your tailbone...let the whole wave dissolve back to the ocean of grace, knowing that there will be a new wave.  When you mind wants to move to a different task, just bring it back to the breath, like a wave, "como una ola," and repeat the wave cycle as many times as you like.

Namaste.

Bound me up, bound me down

I'm fascinated by words that follow.    Last week I encountered the word boundary in many forms: while teaching,  while designing, during my yoga practice, while talking to my friends and ultimately listening to my teacher.  My yoga practice (Anusara) deeply involves the concept of freedom and its love relationship with boundaries.  Sometimes I feel the 1990's  film ¡Átame! is about yoga.  We are constantly asked to recognize the freedom in which we dwell, AND the best way to show that recognition is by creating boundaries that work for us.   So here is one of those examples of boundaries that I saw this week, probably not the most prevalent, but it is the easiest one for me to explain.   I decided to stop carrying every artifact I thought could help my day go smoother (it isn't very smooth when eight pounds of stuff follows you around, unless you are pregnant).   I started using the GRID-IT from COCOON.  This is a very open version of a zippered pouch.  In limiting the items that I can bring with me, I have expanded time and space, cultivating a fresh way to move with the belonging that make my day better (and knowing that I can choose what comes with me everyday, allows me to recognize my freedom everyday).  Bound away!

Addicted to Love

I read this piece by the fabulous Jane Scott.  Aside from being an exuberant Art Director, artist and fashionista, the girl isn't afraid to inquire within!  Please enjoy this wonderful essay on love, breakups and makeups...

Make-ups and Break-ups by Jane Scott

Valentine’s Day is going to be a little different for me this year. I didn’t think that my enduring, long, passionate, 25-year love affair could be broken up by a Reality TV series preview video on Yahoo.  But, on January 4th, 2011, it did.

But,  the best place to start is at the beginning with my first real boyfriend, Anthony.

Anthony and I had gone the traditional route of friends first in the second, third and fourth grades. He was an impressive bachelor. He was the tallest in our class, very athletic, handsome, moderately intelligent, and good in math. His plagiarizing the classroom encyclopedia for any report’s subject be it country, explorer or historical event was mildly unsettling. But, I learned to choose my battles. He could draw. But, I wasn’t fond of his horrific skeletal violent depictions on paper, copied (of course) from the Iron Maiden t-shirts he frequently wore. But, we liked each other. We always sat near each other in class because our last names were alphabetically close. We had fun making each other laugh too.

Our relationship, like most elementary school ones occurred by means of a bizarre truth or dare “going around” negotiation with several classmates. There was no hugging, kisses, shared lunches, or gifts. Evidently love meant being picked as the first girl on his team after the athletic boys were picked. Although, I did receive my 5th grade obligatory Snoopy Valentine’s Day card stating “You + Me = Valentines”  and on the back “ To: Jane. Love: Anthony Rosini”. Not “FROM” mind you, but “LOVE”. A grand gesture for Anthony standards,  but not enough to keep me faithful.

A new passion emerged in my life of the non-human variety. That passion was the romance novel.

I started off with the lavender covered Silhouette novels circa 1970s/1980s.  These always required a picturesque locale and a wealthy, titled suitor. Oh, and they NEVER went all the way. Only third base. No home runs until a ring was promised and that was always at the second to last sentence. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. Romance novels are about smut, not plot and location. And yes, that came later. But, my lavender novel reading courtship days were chaste.

I’d like to point out that I did have standards. No unattractive suitors on the cover. If the male model on the cover had a 70s moustache, leisure suit, excessive gold medallions or bad hair - Out. If he looked like a GQ magazine ad - In.

At some point in the 80s the violet series ceased being published. So, I quickly progressed to the white Harlequin ones and it was there that I lost my romantic literary virginity.  In white Harlequin novels, you get more action. Pre-marital action before love is established. Fondling coupled with missionary position sex, generally.

So, it was then that my relationship with romance novels in my hormonal teens became more about the fine art of the sex scene. The crafting of the seduction. The bulging muscles. The why’s, the when’s and where’s.  My friends may have been dating, but I had better things to do and read on a Friday night.

Which ushered in the red book series phase.  Not the finest relationship hour. For anyone knows the red ones are only about sex. They’re the cheapest in cost and in sentiment for a reason. It’s stamped on the flame filled covers in words like “Blaze” and “Heat.” The cover art is more negligee and bare chests, rarely respectable clothes.  No exotic locales, just satin sheets and wine glasses. The wham, bam thank you ma’am one nightstand quickie of romance novels.

These books pretty much announce to the world “I’M READING PORN!” But, then any romance series could have that association. But, the red ones were a little too loud and clear. They also had horrible plots, because well… they’re porn

Somewhere in the tawdriness, content actually became important.  The character’s journey not centered and derived solely on having three simultaneous orgasms for the first time on a kitchen table or swimming pool.

Which lead me to romantic fiction, chick lit, if you will. These are the books you can generally read in a mixed crowd or on public transportation. They usually have a point too.

I learned a very valuable lesson with the chick lit. When you are looking for quality, a sense of humor and depth. You CAN NOT rely on cover art. In fact, attractive cover art is generally a front for a badly written, boring book.

Which meant I had to seek out the ugly countryside covers that look like rejects for that PBS painting dude’s landscape paintings. Turns out the books without the pictures of the men were the ones that had characterizations, plots and could be occasionally funny too.

The heroines and heroes were messy, flawed, and issue-ridden. And sometimes, they didn’t even have sex on the page. Which kind of sucked frankly, but it was the price you paid for guessing a book’s content by its cover.

I’d like to think that my relationship with romance novels given this more realistic story somehow normalized into reading books other than romance. But, in gaining taste, I simply clung to those trusted authors’ books even tighter. I read and re-read these characters hoping for some secret code I could borrow or a world I could jump into other than my own.

When I had the rare occasion to actually venture out on a date or hope a friendship was more, the romance books were forgotten. But, the minute it went sour and reality stepped in. They were back to being my old trusty lovers. Ever present, never criticizing, always diverting.

I always viewed my romance novel love affair as that great research for my future soul mate. The more reading, the more research to share!  Oh the things I know… But, the years went by. The milestones of getting married, co-habituating, settling down, having kids were happening for everyone around me, except me. They happened every time I thumbed through the romance novel. But, my diary didn’t have the same entries.

Turns out. Reading romance novels a lot is a type of addiction: A love addiction. Yeah, they have them. A whole umbrella of options ranging from sex and romance addictions for the extroverts to fantasy addiction for the introverts like myself.

Which leads me to the break-up initiated by my trusty old KROQ Love Line D.J. I knew since my childhood and teen days in California, Dr. Drew. He has a TV show called Intervention. A celebrity rehab meets reality TV car crash of a show. I don’t have cable and tend to avoid it. But, the title of his TV series preview video “romance addiction” sparked my interest.  Anything with the word “romance” generally does. In the video, he briefly mentions the untapped world of love addictions. How they aren’t just about indiscriminate sex, but something subtler like excessive romance novel reading. And how all of these types of addictions are intimacy repelling. Which explains why I like to cuddle up to them on Friday nights.

Crap. So much for blaming the Facebook.

So now, I’m reading more books with “romance” in the title these days. They just center on creating worthiness, true intimacy and healing childhood wounds through appropriate adult boundary setting. Something romance novels failed to teach me.

So I’m breaking up with my co-dependent, unrealistic, intimacy deficient, truth neglecting, non-human paper lovers.

I know you were expecting a make-up scene. Every great romance novel’s final chapter has one. Trust me, I know. But, my make-up scene isn’t the resolution. It’s actually the problem.

My “making-up”, also known as another word for “pretending”, scene was finding something like romance novels to divert me from confronting my inner love demons in the first place. Finding the courage to love myself unconditionally. But, in defense of my old lover, my top few favorite romance novels actually do cover that on occasion. The savior is actually the self, not the white knight with his bulging manhood.

What we “make-up” to self soothe or divert from our true selves eventually has to “break-up” for us to live authentically. So, I don’t view this break-up with sadness, but rather with great hope and relief on behalf of my whole hearted, true self. I can still enjoy the occasional fiction, but only when I have participated in the more compelling non-fiction characters in my own life.

So, this break-up story isn’t one for the romance novels, but I’m thinking, that’s probably a good thing.